s0ul-se@rching

i've started attending yoga classes with chris in downtown birmingham. i feel "renewed". we got there late so we were forced to be separated, and i got wedged next to a lady with a case of heavy wheezing. everyone had assumed different poses, so i just took the safe route and made an L with my legs to the wall like the lady on my left. the instructor was very warm and unassuming (much like they should be). occassionally she would come over and gently put her hand over mine to guide me and then whisper, "good job." she was filled with the cliche yoga phrases like, "you deserve this" and "listen to your body" and "use this to escape whatever is troubling you." once she even threw in "make a beyonce booty."

i might go to a few more sessions because the first week is free, but then i am afraid that i do not have the funds to afford such a cosmopolitan lifestyle. then again, i prefer fresh experiences like this when it's still new and i don't know anyone and haven't made it a routine. i hate being a regular anywhere. the moment someone knows exactly what i'm going to order before i even open my mouth is the moment that i know i can never return.

last night i got called off of work, so i joined chris at java hut to job search (unsuccessfully) while he studied body tissue. the middle aged lady next to me was chatting it up on facebook. her profile picture was of her and her dachschund. i enjoyed this. she also received phone calls from most likely her bff, bitching about some asshole man in her life, but then shaking it off with forced confidence, as if she had bigger and better things coming. she does, i'm sure. don't we all.

i have been having separating anxiety from everyone lately. i need to be among friends, or strangers, even if we don't talk and just sit together in silence. my energy needs to be focused outward and not inward.

look at me, i have become hokey to the max....