i have so much holiday spirit it's fucking disgusting

so even though it's totally old and commercialized by now, i went ahead and purchased the Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals book to give to an unsuspecting relative and ruin their day. my mom thinks it's offensive. some people have no sense of humor.

i think the weather is freezing my brain.

tonight someone asked me who sang the song "santa baby"

my response: "betty boop"

BETTY BOOP? REALLY diana???

i knew it was marilyn monroe, just the wrong name came out.




i need to go to sleep right now and never ever wake up.

"i wanna dream lover so i don't have to dream alone"

i can't get enough of these malt shop classics.
i love the library.

it's the little things.

i'm an old soul...

PS--

there is the LARGEST fly that has been taunting me by circulating around my house for the past two days. it was in my room buzzing and bumping into the window all night last night. i want it to die.

there has also been an abundance of ants lately. i always find them trying to drink out of lucy's water bowl (i agree, dehydration is the worst). where are they coming from? shouldn't they be dead by now? i have always maintained an insect pro-life viewpoint ever since my uncle, who believes in reincarnation, told me i should never kill bugs. as a child, it even got to the point where i would swim great lengths to save drowning ants in my pool; i couldn't stand to watch them suffer.

i don't care anymore. these ants are getting flushed.

my back feels broken...

i wish i wasn't covered in MEAT SAUCE right now. i like that job a lot more when i only have to be there once a week. at least i got a free tiramisu out of the deal!!

i need a real job now that i'm a college grad. my days are already being numbered.

i love special people...

i just recently found out that a friend of mine has narcolepsy. i think i laughed for ten minutes straight. that almost beats dan's cross-eyed story.

if i believed in hell, i would go there.

rude

on a side note, why is NO ONE following my blog. it says i have 100 profile views, i KNOW those aren't all me. (well, maybe......)

wonderful morning

i woke up at 3:45 this morning and never fell back to sleep. yet i feel GREAT!

i think that my brain escaped my body at some point yesterday while taking my final final exam. maybe it was the fact that it was 10924309234 degrees in that classroom. i literally walked into the room and suddenly had no idea what the difference was between glycogen, glucose, glycerol, etc. etc. etc. all i could think about during the entire exam period was how much i wanted to create a paper fan with my test and shower myself with my bottled water. i'm not even sure how or if my exam got completed because i don't think i was fully conscious... going out with a bang!

...i love how i started telling susan about this last night, and she said, "WAIT. do NOT continue--you MUST blog about this!" technology...

was treated to dinner afterwards by a fine young man in my class. i liked how we shared a bowl of soup and a meal and didn't finish either of them, yet i still managed to finish BOTH of our drinks. we talked about how we wanted to hug this girl we couldn't stand the entire semester, but before the exam started she said to the class, "Good luck everyone!!" PAINFUL SILENCE. "...you're welcome..." it was so sad, she sounded shattered. it was like she had just realized that the entire class thought she was the most obnoxious human being alive. in retrospect, i might even miss her.

GAWD, why am i suddenly so emotional about leaving oakland university?? i hated it 90% of the time i was there. i'm always yearning for what i used to have, or what i would like to have. i need to start being satisfied with the present.

NAP TIME.

My Dearest Friend

i would like to make love to the song "freely" by devendra banhart.

i wish i knew what that was like.

sandwich woes

so MOCAD has a cafe from which i frequently purchase a variety of delicious organic sandwiches on my lunch break. the only problem i have found is that i have yet to master the art of gracefully eating a sandwich. for instance, today i chose to go with the always reliable chicken salad sandwich. though i am generally not a huge chicken salad fan, this is not any ordinary chicken salad. this chicken salad is mixed with dried cherries, walnuts, red onions, a touch of dill, and love.

HOWEVER, it is quite a hassel to eat. with every bite, i managed to lose 3/4 of the sandwich. it was as if i was at war with my sandwich in order to simply nourish myself. i felt like such an ogre. also, being that i was raised to never be wasteful, i felt inclined to pick up every miniscule dropping that had fallen onto my plate and somehow stuff it back into my sandwich without making even more of its contents fall out. (think jenga, only backwards.) good thing i eat alone. maybe this is why i eat alone...

there is the most darling homeless man who always hangs out in the cafe and orders a juice box. maybe i should invite him to sit with me next time.

comments for the day

- it's babygurl janie's 21st!!! hayyyyy

- i'd hate to pass the blame, but i'm pretty sure that lucy is the reason my room smells.

- this girl in one of my classes last week said that i looked like i was from the 1983 movie "flashdance." i'm not sure she meant it as a compliment...

- i have total respect for paul simon, but i feel it's kind of rude that he went on and recorded solo versions of s&g originals. how dare he! the s is never complete without its g.

- i've had to put away my christmas tree sweater because it's getting to be the time when it's actually appropriate to wear it. it will re-emerge after the holiday. i will miss you.

my world keeps getting smaller and smaller and i am about to go completely insane....

haircutzz

a date has been scheduled for Lauren to cut my hair. it's about time, because i'm pretty sure i should STOP thinking that i can cut my own hair. it's like, once ya start ya just can't stop... i've been putting off getting my haircut because a) the girl who usually cuts my hair is in chicago, and b) i'm trying to grow my hair out so i can be a beautiful, long-haired bombshell again hahha. so in the meantime, i have been snipping here and there, but it's gotten to the point where i can no longer let my hair down without it resembling a mullet. thus, the ponytail remains, and i am SO over this ponytail.

this blog entry is boring.

continuing,

my past experiences of being a self-proclaimed hair stylist should have all led me to never pick up a pair of scissors again. i'll be specific.

age 5: i was tired of having bangs, so i thought that the most logical solution was to cut them off with blue plastic scissors. i was scheduled to be in a play the following week. my mother was thrilled, to say the least.
age 7: i decided that my skipper doll needed a trim, however she eventually became bald because i am such a perfectionist that i refused to stop cutting until her hair was completely even......
skip ahead a few years, during my freshman year of college, i decided that i was capable of giving myself bangs, however it was such a timid work-in-progress that it spanned across at least three months, clippings were mysteriously found everywhere, the drain got clogged a few times, and it got to the point where the roommates demanded, "PUT THE SCISSORS DOWN." they hid them from me for the rest of the year.

aside from those details, i thought i did a fine job, and i attempted to cut bangs again a few years later, which was when my faithful hairstylist was like, "you should probably.....not do that again."
I never give up.

SO THANX LAUREN!